I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
