I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
