I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
