Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think people are normalizing furries
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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