If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
