I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
