2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am mentally ready for anal.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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