I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
