Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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