I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
