Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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