I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
