lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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