im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
false alarm. still invincible.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
