My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
