dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
