He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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