I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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