New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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