I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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