Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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