Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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