the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So much rum. So many feels.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
