I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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