Ketchup is God's man juice
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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