I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
