Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
