I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
