You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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