My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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