super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
