Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
