I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
