we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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