he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
