Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
