me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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