Having a random hookup so left but love u
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
