i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
