Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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