we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
