defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
