I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
