Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I touched a dick in church today
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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