i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize