I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize