The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
