I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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