If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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