I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
