yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
How external is "for external use only"?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
