Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
