I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I am midnight drunk by noon
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
