Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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