ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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