I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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