Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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