I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize