I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
