Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
