every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize