Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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