this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
