So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
