I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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