and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
