Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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