Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
