i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
