my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
