one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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