I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
